How to differentiate between Caring and Controlling?

There is a very fine line of difference between caring and controlling making it very difficult to distinguish between the two. While caring arises from a sense of selflessness and love, controlling usually starts with feelings of insecurity and resentment.

Let me share a story which will help you in differentiating between the two. A middle-aged couple visited a psychiatrist for a relationship counseling. In the course of the consultation, they starting fighting unaffected by the doctor’s presence. The upset husband turned to the doctor and said, ” See Doctor, I care so much for her and this is what I receive in return.” His wife replied angrily, “He doesn’t care, he just controls”.

In this story, you can see that the care from one person was perceived as control by another.

This raises the question what is care and how it is different from control and how can we identify them?

Herein I am attaching another story to help you reach the answer. A father had a heated argument with his teenage daughter over some disciplinary issue. The argument leads to the exchange of harsh words leaving both of them teary. After a while, as the emotions settled, both of them felt sorry and conveyed their apologies to each other. The daughter hugged her father and said, “Papa the reason you got upset in the first place was not that I did something wrong, you got upset because I didn’t follow your instructions.

This is the difference we need to figure out. The father was left stunned by his daughter’s mature thinking. He realized what he was thinking as care was actually control which lead to the conflict.

When we really care for someone, instead of getting angry with that person we would look for different ways to help them.

While care expresses love, control expresses ego.

Control cuts….care connects

Control hurts….care heals

So continue caring for people you love but without controlling them because most often people are not wrong they are just different.

Sharing is caring. Hence, share this post with someone you care.